Not surprisingly, narcissists take pleasure in lying so they can be in control. They make empty promises and promises they can’t keep to keep you and your behavior under control. If you claim to do something you know you can’t do or have no intention of doing, it’s lying.
If you are worried about something a narcissist is doing, they will persuade you not to worry so they can continue with whatever it is they want to do. They will make it appear that everything is all right, and make sure you are out of the way.
They will engage in lying through gaslighting to make you dependent on them because you will question your reality and sanity. They fabricate fake sicknesses, injuries, accidents, or problems to deceive you, so you feel sorry for them and make you want to nurture them.
Reasons Why They Lie
Narcissists manifest negative traits that motivate them to lie because of their own insecurities. They show a highly confident façade but underneath they have low self-esteem and self-worth. They may be kindhearted in words and behavior at some moments but have underlying motives.
Therefore, they lie for many reasons, and here are just a few.
Want To Be Admired
Being admired by others is one of their goals in life, so they project an air of self-importance. They lie about their achievements, talents, or motives because they want to influence how others perceive them. They like to appear superior. It builds up their self-esteem and self-image.
Lying can help them control what other people think about them and behave around them to bring themselves to the top of their social circles. When they achieve control, they indulge in their desires.
Want the Advantage Over Others
Many people will tell a little white lie occasionally. They are not hurtful, but they are still dishonest. However, a narcissist tells malicious or black lies to give them the upper hand, or dishonest advantage at the expense of someone else. Having an advantage over others is very important to them. They want to be the winner for selfish reasons or gain.
If you discover their lies, they will deny that they have lied, turn the blame on you or others and try to lower your self-esteem, and eventually make you discontinue the confrontation. They may also dismiss your allegations, change the topic or make an excuse. Malignant narcissists are more vindictive and will turn against you by ruining your reputation to others with more lies.
They feel justified in exploiting others with their lies, whether they are friends, family, or business associates, because a narcissist views people as objects. They have no empathy because they usually lack feelings of guilt, shame, or remorse for the consequences of their lying. Some may feel remorse, but not enough to make them change their negative behaviors. More often, they will fake feelings of remorse, guilt or shame to make you feel sorry for them.
Won’t Be Held Responsible
Narcissistic liars constantly demand attention but will not be held accountable for their shortcomings or mistakes. They are driven by self-pride, can’t admit their mistakes, and won’t be held responsible. They will lie by blaming others instead, and refuse to accept that the fault is theirs.
They may say the fault occurred due to other people’s mistakes. Sometimes, you have to confront their lies and insist on them taking responsibility for their mistakes, especially if it is at work, and with no excuses.
Dealing With a Narcissist’s Lies
To avoid being victimized by their lies, evaluate your options and make a realistic plan to protect yourself from their power games. Think about an amicable approach if you feel the need to preserve your relationship with them, and talk calmly and respectfully.
Here are more ways to deal with a narcissistic liar:
- Establish healthy boundaries for what behaviors are unacceptable to you and where your needs are respected. Make sure you keep these boundaries, as they will be regularly tested.
- Don’t believe that things will change or that you will be told the truth from now on. That may never happen so always be prepared for more lies. Their lies and manipulations are clinically considered to be emotional abuse.
- Focus on your goals. Do the things you want to achieve instead of being told what to do. Don’t lose sight of your reality or fake your happiness for the sake of the narcissist’s objectives in trying to manipulate your life.
- Don’t take all their lies and blame as a personal attack against you. Sometimes, it may not concern you. They may have underlying emotional or mental challenges and are just taking it out on you.
- Never let the narcissist take away your self-esteem. Instead, practice self-love. You don’t deserve to take in their lies and negativity. You have to learn how a healthy relationship should be. One free from lies and deceit.
Some narcissists are easy to spot. Their lies are so blatantly obvious and their dishonesty is verifiable. However, some are not so easy to spot and they can cover their true nature for years! Only some people may see the vindictiveness they can cause, whereas others may be totally blinded by their lies.
Confronting them is never easy because they never admit to their lies much less apologize, even if you have enough undeniable evidence. Knowing how to deal with a narcissist can enable you to protect yourself from their lies and other offensive behaviors. There are ways you can learn how to deal with them positively, but changing their personality traits is ultimately up to them.