The fear of not measuring up to other people’s expectations could quite possibly be the biggest fear we have of all! It’s a fear that doesn’t just plant doubts in your mind, it can affect everything you do.
Why We Fear Not Being Seen As Others Expect Us To Be
One of the main reasons is because we seek approval and acceptance from those around us, so when we feel we’ve fallen short, it can make us feel bad, even ashamed. Of course, this fear often begins in childhood. Perhaps you grew up being told certain things by your parents or teachers.
Even if the feedback you received was given with good intentions, it may not have been seen like that by you. Any type of feedback can leave a lasting impression, be it good or bad, and it further imprints your need to be valued by them. Over time, all this feedback you receive will silently influence your every decision, hoping you make the right one to please them.
What makes things worse, is that this fear can grow due to societal pressures and what you see on social media. Social media paints a constant picture of perfection! People are seen to be living ideal lives, they have perfect relationships, successful careers, flawless appearances, and more.
In reality, they don’t and we know that, but that doesn’t stop the fear of not being good enough grow in our minds. It’s too easy to compare our reality to these specially created posts and reels, and feel as though we’re not good enough. The fear of not measuring up grows even more when we start believing that our worth is tied to how well we compare with all these external benchmarks.
The Problem with Living to Meet Their Expectations
If you continue to live your life trying to meet their expectations, you will feel very unhappy and unfulfilled. You will lose sight of what truly matters, and that is YOUR goals and desires. It’s like having to run a race that isn’t even yours to run, leaving you exhausted and feeling unsatisfied with life.
The problem is that other people’s expectations are usually impossible to meet because they’re based on their perspective, which you can’t control. Even if you meet one expectation, another might take its place.
Plus, quite often the people whose approval you’re seeking, don’t even care! What you probably haven’t noticed is that they too are busy dealing with their own fears and insecurities.
Break Free While You Can
You need to break free right now! By tying your self-worth to other people’s expectations, you hand over all your personal power. You need to be in control of your own destiny! So how do you begin to let go of the fear of not measuring up? Well, it’s not about ignoring other people’s opinions, they’re good to hear, but you don’t have to let them rule you. Instead, it’s about shifting the focus back to you and your values and goals, not theirs.
Whose Expectations are You Trying to Meet?
Take a moment and think about this. Your answer or answers may surprise you. Are they coming from family, friends, or your social media feeds? Are they even explicitly stated by them, or have you just assumed all this time that that is what they want from you? Once you recognize the who, what and why, it will help you question whether these expectations are false or realistic.
What are Your Values and Goals?
Now grab a pen and paper and write down what your values are and what you would like to achieve. What are your dreams? What kind of life do you want to live, regardless of what other people would think? Don’t let other people’s wants for you be written on this paper! When you’re clear on your values, you can use them to guide your decisions, rather than being swayed by others.
Hopefully you have now written down your desires! Life is too short to spend it chasing someone else’s idea of success for you. The more you do things that feel right by you, the happier your life will be. And when you let go of the fear of not measuring up to other people’s expectations, you will feel more powerful and in control of your life than ever before!
