We all enjoy a pat on the back or kudos when we do something right or accomplish a goal. It validates our thoughts and actions and boosts confidence to continue achieving our dreams and ambitions. Obtaining validation from your parents, friends, or social media is okay unless you seek outside validation constantly. If you do need the approval of others to feel better about your choices, it is time to stop and learn how you can trust yourself and gain self-confidence, starting with these nine tips.
1 – Ask Yourself Why You Seek Others’ Approval
Understanding why you need validation from others helps you in taking the necessary steps to grow in confidence. Many times, your need for approval comes from your past. Take some time to ask questions and reflect on the answers.
2 – List the Things You Think You Are “Bad” At
Sometimes we get caught up in a cycle of feeling like we cannot do anything right. This leads us to seek outside approval. Take some time to write down everything you think you are “bad” at, even if it is small, review it, and determine to work on one item. Once you accomplish it, pick another. Each time you master a new thing, you grow in confidence.
3 – Focus on Positive Actions You Took
Boost your confidence and write down 5-7 things you accomplished today, no matter the size. For example, maybe you met your water intake goal, handled a disgruntled customer graciously, and cleaned the kitchen after dinner. Each item shifts your thinking from negative to positive.
4 – Break the Habit of Asking for Validation
Before you ask for confirmation and validation from others, pause. Do you genuinely need their opinion? What would you tell them if the roles were reversed? When you wait a moment and consult with yourself, you strengthen your confidence and self-trust.
5 – Look at Rejection as a Way to Grow
Each incident in your life, whether good or bad, provides an opportunity for growth. Consider a time when you disappointed your boss or partner. How did you recover from that situation? What did you learn from it? Using disapproval as feedback shows you how you are growing and moving forward.
6 – Make Personal Growth a Priority
Choosing to continue growing as a person and learning from your mistakes frees you from the need for others’ approval. Focus on pushing forward, knowing you may make a mistake or two. Then, learn from it and grow in your confidence.
7 – Turn Off Social Media
Social media overstimulates our brains with a constant flow of idealistic images. If you don’t measure up, you may struggle with feeling like you don’t obtain the number of likes you want. Enjoy the break and use the opportunity to read a book, accomplish a goal, or do some other endeavor.
8 – Stop Playing the Comparison Game
You are unique. You have talents and skills all your own. Instead of comparing yourself to others, learn to accept who you are while looking to the future and where you’d like to be. It is a tricky balance, but it is worth the effort to build your confidence.
9 – Accept Yourself for Who You Are
What makes you happy? Seek out those things that increase your happiness and stop worrying about what other people think. This will be challenging, but it is a great confidence booster as you build your self-confidence.
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Actionable Steps
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| Take time to ask why you think you need the approval of other people to feel better about yourself. Knowing the reasons helps you recognize patterns of thought that you can overcome. | Focus on your positive attributes by listing them and reviewing them. You might want to place sticky notes reminders on your bathroom mirror, beside your coffee pot, and at your desk.
| When you make a mistake, decide to learn from it and not run from it. You may want to journal about the incident so that you can look back later and see how you grew from it. |
