In dysfunctional families, there are often expectations that may be lingering in the silent background or understood loud and clear by all. For example, some people grow up having to meet impossibly high educational standards, or expected to help care for siblings or household finances, or be seen as being a perfect child and not get into trouble.
Alternatively, there may have been subtle cues, such as knowing that you couldn’t pursue any of your own personal interests because you were needed for other things. Or that what you wanted wasn’t important, so you were expected to not question or expected not to do.
These family expectations can take a huge emotional toll. When personal goals are suppressed and squashed in these ways, it’s easy to believe that your wants and needs are secondary, or worse, that you are just born selfish.
Eventually, you change to meet these expectations. You may lose touch with what you once felt passionate about. You may not even remember what once excited you because it was easier to stay quiet and silence your desires, rather than risk conflict and be disappointed, or vilified.
Breaking Free From Suppressed Desires and Passions
When you grow up in a dysfunctional family, it’s easy to lose sight of your own desires and passions. You may have spent so much energy meeting other people’s needs that you now forget to ask yourself a fundamental question. What do I want? Doing this is not being selfish! It’s a necessary step for you to get back what was taken from you.
Giving Yourself Permission to Soul Search
The first step to breaking free is granting yourself the permission to explore yourself! Many people raised in environments where self-expression wasn’t encouraged feel guilty or indulgent for prioritizing themselves.
Stepping back to examine your life and uncovering what truly matters to you can help you heal, by reclaiming the parts of yourself that may have been buried. Ask yourself questions, or should I say, ‘allow’ yourself to ask questions like, what excites me? What dreams have I not pursued and why?
It doesn’t matter if others’ don’t approve of your dreams. It’s time you did! No one has the right to mold your life and make you do what you don’t want to do. That may have been your past, but don’t allow it to be your future.
Overcoming the Fear of Disapproval
For many, exploring their passions can bring up a fear of judgment or disapproval. These fears are valid, especially if you’ve spent years basing your decisions on external validation, or being told how foolish or stupid you were for wanting to pursue certain interests. That kind of criticism can leave a lasting sting, making it difficult for you to trust yourself.
However, remember this. Pursuing your passions isn’t about proving anything to anyone else, it’s about honoring what feels right for you!
Start by reminding yourself that the people who discouraged you were most often speaking from their own fears and limitations, not from any truth about your worth or potential. Their voices don’t have to be your voice anymore.
Healing the Relationship With Yourself
Part of breaking free from suppressed desires is healing the relationship you have with yourself. Often, people who’ve lived for others feel disconnected from their inner world, uncertain of what they even like or want. Rebuilding this connection can take time but is deeply rewarding.
Engage in practices that help you listen to your intuition. For example, mindfulness exercises can help you tune into your thoughts and feelings, while affirmations can reinforce the belief that your desires are important.
Say things like, I have a right to pursue my passions! I can do what I want because it is my life!
Finally, remember that rediscovering your dreams and passions is healthy and oh so healing! There’s no rush. Take your time. Let your buried needs and wants come to you like a newborn child. You’re the child that is now allowed to dream. So listen to your inner voice. The child inside you is ready to speak and is now allowed to break free!
Be gentle though. Treat yourself with kindness if you have any setbacks, and keep moving toward what feels meaningful and exciting. You deserve to live a life that reflects who you are today, free from the constraints of your past. By allowing yourself to dream, you’re not just breaking free, you’re releasing the real you!
