“Forgiveness with kindness is the best revenge.”
– Debasish Mridha
All of us encounter certain challenges in life, whether it’s from other people or circumstances that arise. Life can have its way of causing us pain, hurt, and injustices, all of which can make us feel very angry. We could be dealing with any sort of injustice, or a difficult person, and so many of the situations we face are beyond our control.
Life certainly doesn’t spare any of us, even if we are kind and considerate. Sometimes we encounter life challenges that cause us to feel vengeful. We may even believe or hope that one day we will get even! That we will get our chance to act on our anger and get even with certain people, or society in general. Until that day, we continue through life carrying our baggage of hurts and pains.
It is natural to feel angry, but if that anger lingers for too long and grows where you become intent on revenge, is unhealthy. It is also futile.
Things Can Happen That Are Out of Your Control
So many of the reasons why we tend to feel vengeful are due to circumstances beyond our control, which is why we should let go. If people hurt us, chances are, they could be hurt themselves. This is beyond our control. Therefore, if we carry the pain they inflict upon us, we’re not only owning our hurts but theirs.
If you allow the anger and pain to gain control of your heart, you ultimately lose the freedom to move on. It can be a heavy burden to carry, making moving forward difficult.
Don’t get trapped in negative circumstances and relive painful experiences over and over again. If you do, the ugly head of revenge may take hold.
The Invisible Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is far from being tolerant and oblivious to the hurts that other people cause us in life. It’s less about condoning oppression, and more about choosing a better path for yourself.
If we can forgive, we can choose to release ourselves from the pain trap. Forgiveness allows us to say yes to our freedom and create a better life, free of revenge.
When we choose to be the bigger person by physically distancing ourselves from people that hurt us, we are the winner. If we choose to forgive them, we are still the winner because we are relinquishing the animosity from our heart. We win by gaining the freedom to heal ourselves and our life. The best part of all is that we gain inner peace, which is priceless.
Forgiveness may be difficult in the beginning as it can take a while to emotionally process. Deciding to forgive someone, no matter how you feel, can be done, but may take time. It may also not be easy to do, but hopefully, with the tips we are providing for you below, you may be able to find some forgiveness and stop planning for revenge.
Be Sincere
You don’t have to deny your hurt feelings, and you need to be totally honest with yourself. Admit your pain to yourself and someone else. Write about it or talk it out with someone you trust. By simply verbalizing your feelings you are letting them out of your system. It can be very cathartic, which helps you process your emotions.
Seek Support
Perhaps you are not alone in your hurt and you certainly don’t have to deal with it all by yourself. Find people who are feeling the same way, and who can listen, understand, and empathize with you. Share each other’s stories and feel empowered in the knowledge that you’re not going through it all by yourself.
Try to Understand Your Abuser’s Past
Being the bigger person in an uneven situation may entail some processing of emotions and hurts. If you can, look at your abuser’s past to gain some understanding as to why they may be acting the way they are. It can sometimes give you insight as to why there was a problem to begin with. You may learn it wasn’t about you.
Reframe Your Mindset
Change how you perceive the situation and empower yourself to be the bigger person, now that you understand the reasons why you are being treated the way you are. It’s not about how they treated you, but how you deal with it. You don’t need to stoop down to the same level as your abuser.
“It’s not about what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
– Epictetus
Let Go and Let It Rest
This step might take some time, but if you have decided to forgive and have processed your hurts, you’ll eventually get to a place where you’re able to release yourself from the pain and hurt. When you start letting go of feelings of anger and pain, you’ll be opening yourself up to better life situations. You not only heal the past, but you also heal within. In the process, you create a much better life for yourself.
