We all feel angry about some things, after all, anger is a normal emotional response to things that hurt us. However, anger can be an ever-present emotion for those who grew up in a dysfunctional family. It can be like a simmering volcano about to erupt.

In a dysfunctional family, the list of injustices can be long. You might feel angry for so many reasons, yet you may not consciously know why. Here are some examples to help you understand our own anger issues.

Your Needs Weren’t Met

Whether it was emotional neglect, lack of physical care, or dismissive attitudes, not receiving what you needed as a child can leave a lasting, painful ache. Regardless of how hard you tried to do what you thought was expected of you to gain their care and love, you didn’t feel you lived up to their expectations. These unmet needs can lead to ongoing anger and resentment. Continue reading →

In dysfunctional families, there are often expectations that may be lingering in the silent background or understood loud and clear by all. For example, some people grow up having to meet impossibly high educational standards, or expected to help care for siblings or household finances, or be seen as being a perfect child and not get into trouble.

Alternatively, there may have been subtle cues, such as knowing that you couldn’t pursue any of your own personal interests because you were needed for other things. Or that what you wanted wasn’t important, so you were expected to not question or expected not to do.

These family expectations can take a huge emotional toll. When personal goals are suppressed and squashed in these ways, it’s easy to believe that your wants and needs are secondary, or worse, that you are just born selfish. Continue reading →