Grief is a multifaceted thing. It’s not just the emotive sense of loss or the process of bereavement. Nor can it really be defined by who feels it and why.

You may feel that you own the sense of loss you feel and that no one else understands how much the loss of your loved one hurts, but you should bear in mind that you don’t have a monopoly on that feeling. Others are perfectly entitled to share much of the same emotional pain that you do.

The thing about a sense of loss that can make it so hard to deal with is that it can bring back much of the pain from previous losses.

Your loss is blurred and hard to pin down (in effect, making it harder to process) because it is multiple. Not only have you lost someone close to you, but you have lost the person you were when you were around them. Now it’s time to become someone new, only that new person seems to be someone who is being forged in the fire of pain, and that means you want to reject them. Continue reading →

Knowing that a loved one is to die soon is not easy. It may seem as though the forewarning might relieve some of your grief, yet it remains a distressing situation. Your emotions are going to struggle with coming to terms with your future grief in many different ways. And as soon as you figure out how you feel about one emotion, another one will appear.

Until the event itself, you’re just not going to have an accurate picture of how you will feel when faced with the loss.

While the loss of a loved one usually causes sadness because of the loss of both the person and that part of you that existed because of them, gradual momentum towards an expected death adds anticipatory grief and mourning.

The anticipation of grief will wear you down fast. The constant awareness and focus on your loved one mean your nervous system will be on high alert for a longer period of time than is healthy. Continue reading →