One of the most effective ways to influence others is to find something you both share an interest in. It’s obvious, isn’t it? You would prefer to spend time with people who think the way you do, or who do the things you like to do, rather than with the people who don’t.
Why Shared Interests are Important
Have you ever met someone for the first time and instantly hit it off? There’s an instant connection, and chances are, it’s because you both found something in common right away. There could be a hundred different reasons as to what that might be, but that shared interest can help the conversations flow and a connection develop.
It helps to feel more comfortable with that person and leads to trust and likability. When someone feels like you understand them or share similar experiences, they’re more likely to want to be around you, to talk to you, to listen to you. They will value your opinions, and be influenced by your perspective.
How to Find Shared Interests
You don’t need to have everything in common with the person you’re interacting with, so don’t even try! You are allowed to have your own opinions, just know when to keep them to yourself. You don’t want to start having an opinion-punching match. An interest you share may be small in your eyes, but it may be just the thing that kickstarts your connection.
Here are some strategies to help you find that mutual connection:
Be Curious and Ask Questions That Need a Detailed Answer
A great way to start any conversation is to ask questions about them. Be curious! What do they like to do on the weekends? What sort of work do they do? Ask the types of questions that need detailed replies. Don’t ask questions that can be answered with a yes or no. You need to get them talking about themselves, and you want to show you are interested in hearing what they have to say.
As you listen carefully to their responses, pay attention when they speak and look for overlaps between their life and yours. Maybe you share the same weekend activities, or work in similar industries.
You can also ask questions that might spark overlaps with you. For example, if you play a musical instrument or love music, ask them what sort of music they like and see what rolls on from there.
Once you have identified your shared interests, you can build the conversation around them, making the other person feel more connected to you.
Focus on ‘Shared’ Beliefs and Values
Now this can be tricky if you are opinionated, so be careful how you go into deeper conversations that may involve beliefs and values. If you find shared values and beliefs, this can form an even stronger bond than surface-level interests because they tap into what truly matters to the both of you.
So when you’re talking, listen for clues about what’s important to them. If you share those same values, don’t be afraid to mention that. It shows that you see things the same way they do, which can create a deeper level of trust and respect. If you don’t share some of their beliefs, instead of sharing your own opinion, let them share theirs and show interest.
This is where it’s important to note that you don’t need to agree with everything someone says just to find common ground. In fact, finding common ground in the midst of differences can be a powerful way to build influence. When you acknowledge and respect someone’s differing opinions or experiences, while still highlighting the areas where you do or can relate, it creates a space for respectful discussions.
For example, you might not agree with someone’s political views or religious beliefs, but you might both share a passion for something else. By focusing on that shared value, you can work around your differences.
If you can do that, even though you have differing beliefs, it shows that you value their relationship enough to look past any disagreements. This level of understanding can deepen the connection and make your influence on them even stronger. Therefore, you can always agree to disagree, but do it quietly.
How to Build Influence
Once you’ve established your shared interests, it becomes much easier to influence the other person. Why? Because they now see you as someone who understands them. You’re no longer just offering an opinion, you’re sharing your thoughts with someone who is open to listening to you.
For example, imagine you’re trying to offer advice to a colleague at work. If they know that you’ve faced similar challenges or have had the same types of experiences, they’re more likely to listen to your suggestions and take them to heart. Your shared experience builds rapport and influence.
This also works in personal relationships. When someone feels like you truly understand where they’re coming from, they’re more likely to trust your perspective and be influenced by it.
Now all you have to do is practice. In every interaction you have from now on, see it as an opportunity to connect. The more you practice, the more effortlessly you’ll build deeper connections. You will soon be able to influence others in a genuine, trusting way.
